From: Tom
To: EVERYONE
Subject: Bring your children to work day
Hi All,
After the amount of positive feedback we received from this last year. We thought we would do the same again this year. The date is still to be confirmed, however I think the aim is to plan it to coincide with the next school holiday. This way it won't interfere with school.
As a precaution to avoid last years incident, which I shall not mention. We ask that you don't let your children roam the office freely, for safety as much as security.
Tom Jones
From: Tom
To: George
Subject: Bring your children to work day
Hi George,
After your outrageous behaviour last year, I will be booking a forced holiday for you on the day of the event. I'm sorry but we can't put the young girls and boys at risk again. If only we had known what would happen last year, we might have done the same. If you know what is good for and want to avoid another lawsuit, then I suggest you do not argue.
Tom Jones
From: Gareth
To: Tom, Joe, Chris, Andy, George
Subject: RE: Bring your children to work day
Mary totally freaked out. Who knew you could send a six year old to counseling?
From: George
To: Tom
Subject: RE: Bring your children to work day
Are you kidding me? She was leading me on!
From: Chris
To: Gareth, Andy, Joe
Subject: Paedos
I suppose George’s philosophy is, “Old enough to pee, old enough for me.” I mean, “if there’s grass on the field, play ball” doesn’t even apply here.
From: Joe
To: Andy, Gareth, Chris
Subject: RE: Paedos
Dude, seriously. I was laughing so hard, Paula thought I was choking. I looked like I was insane.
From: Gareth
To: Tom
Subject: RE: Bring your children to work day
You should buy 60 inch plasma TVs for everyone who’s there on BYCtWD so that we can rub it in George’s face. Then we can say, “Ha ha, that’s what you get for being a paedophile.”
Wait a second, does he have a record? If he did, why the hell did you hire him?
From: Tom
To: Gareth
Subject: RE:RE: Bring your children to work day
You know we can’t afford that. Besides, employee records are confidential, and who I hire is my business.
Tom Jones
Friday, September 24, 2010
Suggest THIS.
From: Tom
To: EVERYONE
Subject: The new Suggestion Box
Hi All,
As I'm sure you are all aware, over the past month we have introduced a new suggestion box. The intention of this was to let you all put forward any ideas you have which might benefit the company or your productivity. Or just to point out those little things that can make all the difference. As it is getting near the end of the month, I thought it was about time to open up the box and see what suggestions have been put in there.
I am pleased to say that there have already been a number of great suggestions in this short time. These things include an upgrade to the video conferencing set-up in Meeting Room 1. This was being considered anyway, but we shall now be going ahead with it. Also in consideration is Dress Up Friday, either every week or the last Friday of every month . A few of the lesser important suggestions will be discussed at the next managers meeting.
I would also like to add that this is an important opportunity and one that should be taken seriously. I say this because there were a number of you that thought it would be funny to put in a few “joke” suggestions. A few of which happen to be in-front of me at this moment are “Pirate Wednesday”, “Bra-less Monday”, “Upgrading the computer system to the same one God used to create the Universe” and one which simply reads “MOAR INTERWEBZ”.
Since these were anonymous I cannot blame anyone directly, though I shall try my hardest to find the culprits. You are just wasting my time and everyone else’s that helps read through the suggestions. For the majority of you that did put in sensible ideas, we thank you.
Tom Jones
From: Andy
To: Tom
Subject: RE: The new Suggestion Box
You may want to re-read your emails before sending them next time. I think you mean Dress Down day and not Dress Up. Or are we supposed to come to work in Panto outfits on Friday?
From: Chris
To: Tom
Subject: RE: The new Suggestion Box
If we have to come to work dressed up, I quit. I didn’t sign up for this job to become a suit.
From: Gareth
To: Chris, Andy, Joe
Subject: Suggestions
I’ll bet Tom shot down Bra-less Monday because he doesn’t want to lose support for even one day of the week. LOL
From: Joe
To: Tom
Subject: RE: The new Suggestion Box
I suppose you thought my idea for upgrading the computer system to the one God used to create the universe as a joke. Seriously. This T1 line SUCKS.
From: Tom
To: Joe
Subject: RE:RE: The new Suggestion box
You’re on thin ice, Joe. You could have just said “Upgrade to a CAT line.”
Tom Jones
From: Joe
To: Tom
Subject: RE:RE:RE: The new Suggestion Box
I could have, but I didn’t.
To: EVERYONE
Subject: The new Suggestion Box
Hi All,
As I'm sure you are all aware, over the past month we have introduced a new suggestion box. The intention of this was to let you all put forward any ideas you have which might benefit the company or your productivity. Or just to point out those little things that can make all the difference. As it is getting near the end of the month, I thought it was about time to open up the box and see what suggestions have been put in there.
I am pleased to say that there have already been a number of great suggestions in this short time. These things include an upgrade to the video conferencing set-up in Meeting Room 1. This was being considered anyway, but we shall now be going ahead with it. Also in consideration is Dress Up Friday, either every week or the last Friday of every month . A few of the lesser important suggestions will be discussed at the next managers meeting.
I would also like to add that this is an important opportunity and one that should be taken seriously. I say this because there were a number of you that thought it would be funny to put in a few “joke” suggestions. A few of which happen to be in-front of me at this moment are “Pirate Wednesday”, “Bra-less Monday”, “Upgrading the computer system to the same one God used to create the Universe” and one which simply reads “MOAR INTERWEBZ”.
Since these were anonymous I cannot blame anyone directly, though I shall try my hardest to find the culprits. You are just wasting my time and everyone else’s that helps read through the suggestions. For the majority of you that did put in sensible ideas, we thank you.
Tom Jones
From: Andy
To: Tom
Subject: RE: The new Suggestion Box
You may want to re-read your emails before sending them next time. I think you mean Dress Down day and not Dress Up. Or are we supposed to come to work in Panto outfits on Friday?
From: Chris
To: Tom
Subject: RE: The new Suggestion Box
If we have to come to work dressed up, I quit. I didn’t sign up for this job to become a suit.
From: Gareth
To: Chris, Andy, Joe
Subject: Suggestions
I’ll bet Tom shot down Bra-less Monday because he doesn’t want to lose support for even one day of the week. LOL
From: Joe
To: Tom
Subject: RE: The new Suggestion Box
I suppose you thought my idea for upgrading the computer system to the one God used to create the universe as a joke. Seriously. This T1 line SUCKS.
From: Tom
To: Joe
Subject: RE:RE: The new Suggestion box
You’re on thin ice, Joe. You could have just said “Upgrade to a CAT line.”
Tom Jones
From: Joe
To: Tom
Subject: RE:RE:RE: The new Suggestion Box
I could have, but I didn’t.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Would you like to super size your AIDS?
From: Andy
To: Chris, Joe, Gareth
Subject: FWD: Funny junkmail
A mate of mine sent me this. Thought you guys might find it amusing!
From: Ben
To: Andy
Subject: Funny junkmail
Are you just getting too much attention from the other sex? Need something that will make them think twice before leaping on you and tearing your clothes off?
If the answer is yes, then you need EasyAIDS!
EasyAIDS works in harmony with your body, to give you that great AIDS feeling without having to contract it from someone else. Lets face it, who would really want to go near you if you've big A?
Not convinced? Well for a limited time we are offering a 60-day money back guarantee! Plus the first 100 orders will also receive a free Living with AIDS book worth £10.99!
From: Chris
To: Andy, Joe, Gareth
Subject: RE: Funny junkmail
I find this advert to be quite homophobic. What if you're receiving attention from the same sex?
To: Chris, Joe, Gareth
Subject: FWD: Funny junkmail
A mate of mine sent me this. Thought you guys might find it amusing!
From: Ben
To: Andy
Subject: Funny junkmail
Are you just getting too much attention from the other sex? Need something that will make them think twice before leaping on you and tearing your clothes off?
If the answer is yes, then you need EasyAIDS!
EasyAIDS works in harmony with your body, to give you that great AIDS feeling without having to contract it from someone else. Lets face it, who would really want to go near you if you've big A?
Not convinced? Well for a limited time we are offering a 60-day money back guarantee! Plus the first 100 orders will also receive a free Living with AIDS book worth £10.99!
From: Chris
To: Andy, Joe, Gareth
Subject: RE: Funny junkmail
I find this advert to be quite homophobic. What if you're receiving attention from the same sex?
Would you like some creamer in your coffee?
From: Tom
To: EVERYONE
Subject: Break room cleanliness
Attention all AIDS Staff -
Yesterday, the custodians informed me that there was an unidentified white substance on the break room table. From what they're telling me, it smelled like bleach and had the consistency of slime, which leads me to believe that someone has been masturbating in the break room. I hate to be one of those managers that complains about everything, but masturbation at work is completely unacceptable. I mean, at least go in the washroom or something. In any case, break room privileges have been revoked for the week, unless someone would like to confess to doing this.
Tom Jones
From: Joe
To: Tom
Subject: RE: Break room cleanliness
Why do you sign your emails? It already says who it's from.
From: Gareth
To: Chris, Andy, Joe
Subject: Tom's bitch fit
I paid a homeless guy to wank in the break room. Best £5 I ever spent just because of Tom's email. "Masturbation at work is completely unacceptable" my ass.
To: EVERYONE
Subject: Break room cleanliness
Attention all AIDS Staff -
Yesterday, the custodians informed me that there was an unidentified white substance on the break room table. From what they're telling me, it smelled like bleach and had the consistency of slime, which leads me to believe that someone has been masturbating in the break room. I hate to be one of those managers that complains about everything, but masturbation at work is completely unacceptable. I mean, at least go in the washroom or something. In any case, break room privileges have been revoked for the week, unless someone would like to confess to doing this.
Tom Jones
From: Joe
To: Tom
Subject: RE: Break room cleanliness
Why do you sign your emails? It already says who it's from.
From: Gareth
To: Chris, Andy, Joe
Subject: Tom's bitch fit
I paid a homeless guy to wank in the break room. Best £5 I ever spent just because of Tom's email. "Masturbation at work is completely unacceptable" my ass.
We are SO full of IT.
Welcome to Allied International Data Services, an Information Technology firm located in scenic Birmingham, UK. Our goal is to provide our clients with data services and troubleshoot technical issues.
Well, enough of that bullshit. Here, you'll find emails sent through the AIDS system; some funny, some hilarious. We hope you enjoy the absurdity that is AIDS and Full of IT.
Well, enough of that bullshit. Here, you'll find emails sent through the AIDS system; some funny, some hilarious. We hope you enjoy the absurdity that is AIDS and Full of IT.
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