From: Tom
To: EVERYONE
Subject: E-mail Communication Update
Hello, everyone.
Just a quick message to update everyone on the e-mailing monitoring by Opcom and the government. I am pleased to report they are now satisfied that no other suspicious activity has been going on since the arrest of Jessica Holmes. This means that things can go back to the way they were before. I should also remind you that we still have company rules regarding e-mail use.
Thank you.
Tom Jones
Senior Personnel Director
Allied International Data Services
From: Chris
To: The Guys
Subject: RE: E-mail Communication Update
Let the e-mail abuse begin!
Oh and I took the liberty of creating a mailing group for us lot. By which I mean me, Andy, Joe and Gareth.
From: Joe
To: The Guys
Subject: Prank Time!
Well now the place is back to normal, it's time for a long overdue prank I figure!
From: Gareth
To: The Guys
Subject: RE: Prank Time!
Sounds like a plan to me, as long as it doesn't involve llamas crapping on my car!
From: Joe
To: The Guys
Subject: RE: Prank Time!
Did we ever call anyone to get them out of the car park?
From: Chris
To: The Guys
Subject: RE:RE: Prank Time!
Not that I know of. You think that Tom would have taken care of it.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Terror-what?
From: Tom
To: EVERYONE
Subject: Lack of E-mail Communication at AIDS
Hello, everyone.
I’m sure that the entire staff here at AIDS has noticed the lack of recent email communication (and by recent, I mean since the second week in October), and I do wish to send everyone an informative email to explain this.
On 12 October 2010, the executives of AIDS discovered that our new intern, Jessica Holmes, was a member of a local terrorist cel and planning on using the data hosted on our servers to commit an act of terrorism against the British government. Thanks to the efforts of Opcom, we’ve managed to collect enough evidence against her to put her in prison for a long, long time.
Unfortunately, this means that Opcom and the British government will be monitoring all e-mail communication at AIDS, so please, for the love of God, be careful about what you send. As long as your e-mails don’t contain anything that could be construed as breaking the law, we’ll be fine.
Thank you.
Tom Jones
Senior Personnel Director
Allied International Data Services
From: Gareth
To: Tom
Subject: RE: Lack of emails
Does this monitoring thing go for emails sent before October 12th?
Gareth Davies
King of the Britons
Allied International Data Services
From: Tom
To: Gareth
Subject: RE:RE: Lack of emails
No, Gareth, we’ve only been investigating e-mails sent and received by Jessica. Why?
From: Gareth
To: Tom
Subject: RE:RE:RE: Lack of emails
No reason.
From: Joe
To: Tom
Subject: RE: Lack of E-mail Communication
Wow, Tom, I see you took the time away from emailing to spiff up your signature. We still know it’s from you, but now we know it’s you, but only fancier.
Joe “Shmoe” Winston
Director of “Operation 419”
Allied International Data Services
From: Tom
To: Joe
Subject: RE:RE: Lack of E-mail Communication
That joke never gets old, Joe.
From: Gareth
To: Joe, Andy, Chris
Subject: Jessica
Damn. She’s seriously gone. Now there aren’t any hot women in the office.
From: Chris
To: Joe, Andy, Gareth
Subject: RE: Jessica
I’m sure you’ll find a way to make it through the work day.
Chris Bedfordfurthingtonchesterhill
Senior Mafia Partner
Allied International Data Services
To: EVERYONE
Subject: Lack of E-mail Communication at AIDS
Hello, everyone.
I’m sure that the entire staff here at AIDS has noticed the lack of recent email communication (and by recent, I mean since the second week in October), and I do wish to send everyone an informative email to explain this.
On 12 October 2010, the executives of AIDS discovered that our new intern, Jessica Holmes, was a member of a local terrorist cel and planning on using the data hosted on our servers to commit an act of terrorism against the British government. Thanks to the efforts of Opcom, we’ve managed to collect enough evidence against her to put her in prison for a long, long time.
Unfortunately, this means that Opcom and the British government will be monitoring all e-mail communication at AIDS, so please, for the love of God, be careful about what you send. As long as your e-mails don’t contain anything that could be construed as breaking the law, we’ll be fine.
Thank you.
Tom Jones
Senior Personnel Director
Allied International Data Services
From: Gareth
To: Tom
Subject: RE: Lack of emails
Does this monitoring thing go for emails sent before October 12th?
Gareth Davies
King of the Britons
Allied International Data Services
From: Tom
To: Gareth
Subject: RE:RE: Lack of emails
No, Gareth, we’ve only been investigating e-mails sent and received by Jessica. Why?
From: Gareth
To: Tom
Subject: RE:RE:RE: Lack of emails
No reason.
From: Joe
To: Tom
Subject: RE: Lack of E-mail Communication
Wow, Tom, I see you took the time away from emailing to spiff up your signature. We still know it’s from you, but now we know it’s you, but only fancier.
Joe “Shmoe” Winston
Director of “Operation 419”
Allied International Data Services
From: Tom
To: Joe
Subject: RE:RE: Lack of E-mail Communication
That joke never gets old, Joe.
From: Gareth
To: Joe, Andy, Chris
Subject: Jessica
Damn. She’s seriously gone. Now there aren’t any hot women in the office.
From: Chris
To: Joe, Andy, Gareth
Subject: RE: Jessica
I’m sure you’ll find a way to make it through the work day.
Chris Bedfordfurthingtonchesterhill
Senior Mafia Partner
Allied International Data Services
Monday, October 11, 2010
Is there a full moon or something?
From: Andy
To: Chris, Joe, Gareth
Subject: Missing persons
Have you guys heard the rumours of employees going missing in our office? Apparently a couple of people worked late last week and haven't been seen since. Seems a bit strange to me, nothing interesting happens in this place. Maybe it's all a joke.
From: Chris
To: Andy, Joe, Gareth
Subject: RE: Missing persons
I overheard some people chatting about that in the break room. Sounds as though it could be true. They said the security guard heard some screams and went to investigate. But all he found was some animal hair or something.
From: Joe
To: Chris, Andy, Gareth
Subject: RE:RE: Missing persons
Well I dunno about you guys, but I'm not planning to do any overtime in the near future!
From: Gareth
To: Chris, Andy, Joe
Subject: RE:RE:RE: Missing persons
Are you guys kidding me? They’re just rumours. You guys need to stop being wusses. Plus, I’ve got some overtime coming. Time and a half!
From: Andy
To: Chris, Joe, Gareth
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE: Missing persons
Well, it was nice knowing you, Gareth.
From: Chris
To: Andy, Gareth, Joe
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE: Missing persons
Wait a second, what happened to Jessica? You know, that hot intern? Didn’t she stay late last week?
From: Andy
To: Chris, Joe, Gareth
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE: Missing persons
You know, I haven’t seen her around the office lately, and she’s usually in during the week…
From: Gareth
To: Joe, Andy, Chris
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE: Missing persons
Damn. There went the only good looking woman in this place.
To: Chris, Joe, Gareth
Subject: Missing persons
Have you guys heard the rumours of employees going missing in our office? Apparently a couple of people worked late last week and haven't been seen since. Seems a bit strange to me, nothing interesting happens in this place. Maybe it's all a joke.
From: Chris
To: Andy, Joe, Gareth
Subject: RE: Missing persons
I overheard some people chatting about that in the break room. Sounds as though it could be true. They said the security guard heard some screams and went to investigate. But all he found was some animal hair or something.
From: Joe
To: Chris, Andy, Gareth
Subject: RE:RE: Missing persons
Well I dunno about you guys, but I'm not planning to do any overtime in the near future!
From: Gareth
To: Chris, Andy, Joe
Subject: RE:RE:RE: Missing persons
Are you guys kidding me? They’re just rumours. You guys need to stop being wusses. Plus, I’ve got some overtime coming. Time and a half!
From: Andy
To: Chris, Joe, Gareth
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE: Missing persons
Well, it was nice knowing you, Gareth.
From: Chris
To: Andy, Gareth, Joe
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE: Missing persons
Wait a second, what happened to Jessica? You know, that hot intern? Didn’t she stay late last week?
From: Andy
To: Chris, Joe, Gareth
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE: Missing persons
You know, I haven’t seen her around the office lately, and she’s usually in during the week…
From: Gareth
To: Joe, Andy, Chris
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE: Missing persons
Damn. There went the only good looking woman in this place.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Sexual Harassment Lawsuits to follow...
From: Tom
To: EVERYONE
Subject: Dress Down Friday Reminder
Hi All,
As I'm sure many of you are already aware, Dress Down Friday will be commencing at the end of this week. But hold your horses! Before you go and start thinking about what outfit you plan to wear, this isn't just any old dress down day. The AIDS managers and I thought it would be a little more interesting if the days were themed. So we a little help from the suggestion box, we've come up with a few ideas which we feel should make things a little more fun for everyone. The first theme we have selected is Shirtless; quite simply no member of staff is allowed to wear a shirt. When it comes to formal dress, this is one of the main players. So that makes it a prime target for dressing down the place. The following week it is going to be Commando; so no one is allowed to wear any underwear at all. On the third week it shall be Redneck; yes our inbred brothers from over the pond. We've all got a check shirt somewhere in our collection. This does not mean you have to act like one though. The final planned theme is Jew; we all love the Jews and now its your chance to don a skull cap and get all Yiddish.
That is the plan for the next 4 weeks. However we are open to suggestions for themes to use in the future. Leave them in the suggestion box or send me an email.
Tom Jones
From: Mary
To: EVERYONE
Subject: RE: Dress Down Friday Reminder
I’ve got to say that I’m against the idea of Shirtless Friday. I find it demeaning to women and only gives the men in the office an excuse to ogle the shirtless women. I am firmly against it.
From: Tom
To: EVERYONE
Subject: Dress Down Friday Participation
Hi All,
In case you were wondering, Dress Down Friday participation is mandatory. Failure to comply will result in disciplinary action. Thank you.
Tom Jones
From: Gareth
To: Tom
Subject: RE: Dress Down Friday Reminder
Does this mean that the women won’t be wearing bras?
From: Tom
To: Gareth
Subject: RE:RE: Dress Down Friday Reminder
It will be at the woman’s discretion.
Tom Jones
From: Jessica
To: EVERYONE
Subject: RE: Dress Down Friday Reminder
I think this is a wonderful idea. I think that the office is a bit uptight sometimes, and I think that this is a great way to loosen the tie, so to speak. I’ll be there with bells on (and a shirt off). ;)
From: Gareth
To: Joe, Chris, Andy
Subject: JESSICA
Okay, did you guys read Jessica’s reply? I’m REALLY looking forward to this Friday.
From: Joe
To: Chris, Andy, Gareth
Subject: RE: JESSICA
I doubt any of us will be getting any work done that day.
From: Chris
To: Gareth
Subject: RE: JESSICA
Hey, Gareth, do you do nothing but think with your dick?
From: Gareth
To: Chris
Subject: RE:RE: JESSICA
Hey, it helped me score with that Swedish intern we had here last year. What was her name? Inga? Svetlana?
To: EVERYONE
Subject: Dress Down Friday Reminder
Hi All,
As I'm sure many of you are already aware, Dress Down Friday will be commencing at the end of this week. But hold your horses! Before you go and start thinking about what outfit you plan to wear, this isn't just any old dress down day. The AIDS managers and I thought it would be a little more interesting if the days were themed. So we a little help from the suggestion box, we've come up with a few ideas which we feel should make things a little more fun for everyone. The first theme we have selected is Shirtless; quite simply no member of staff is allowed to wear a shirt. When it comes to formal dress, this is one of the main players. So that makes it a prime target for dressing down the place. The following week it is going to be Commando; so no one is allowed to wear any underwear at all. On the third week it shall be Redneck; yes our inbred brothers from over the pond. We've all got a check shirt somewhere in our collection. This does not mean you have to act like one though. The final planned theme is Jew; we all love the Jews and now its your chance to don a skull cap and get all Yiddish.
That is the plan for the next 4 weeks. However we are open to suggestions for themes to use in the future. Leave them in the suggestion box or send me an email.
Tom Jones
From: Mary
To: EVERYONE
Subject: RE: Dress Down Friday Reminder
I’ve got to say that I’m against the idea of Shirtless Friday. I find it demeaning to women and only gives the men in the office an excuse to ogle the shirtless women. I am firmly against it.
From: Tom
To: EVERYONE
Subject: Dress Down Friday Participation
Hi All,
In case you were wondering, Dress Down Friday participation is mandatory. Failure to comply will result in disciplinary action. Thank you.
Tom Jones
From: Gareth
To: Tom
Subject: RE: Dress Down Friday Reminder
Does this mean that the women won’t be wearing bras?
From: Tom
To: Gareth
Subject: RE:RE: Dress Down Friday Reminder
It will be at the woman’s discretion.
Tom Jones
From: Jessica
To: EVERYONE
Subject: RE: Dress Down Friday Reminder
I think this is a wonderful idea. I think that the office is a bit uptight sometimes, and I think that this is a great way to loosen the tie, so to speak. I’ll be there with bells on (and a shirt off). ;)
From: Gareth
To: Joe, Chris, Andy
Subject: JESSICA
Okay, did you guys read Jessica’s reply? I’m REALLY looking forward to this Friday.
From: Joe
To: Chris, Andy, Gareth
Subject: RE: JESSICA
I doubt any of us will be getting any work done that day.
From: Chris
To: Gareth
Subject: RE: JESSICA
Hey, Gareth, do you do nothing but think with your dick?
From: Gareth
To: Chris
Subject: RE:RE: JESSICA
Hey, it helped me score with that Swedish intern we had here last year. What was her name? Inga? Svetlana?
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Here's a llama, there's a llama, and another little llama...
To: EVERYONE
From: Joe
Subject: FWD: Llamas
In today’s world of purse dogs and whingy cats, wouldn’t it be nice to own a pet that’s both uncommon and useful?
Well, look no more.
Llamas, INC. is here to help. The llama is often thought of as only an animal to be ranched, but the truth is that llamas make great, loyal pets who can bring you years of fun and joy. Did you know llamas not only serve as great watch animals, but great guard animals as well? Imagine the look on the face of the next burglar to break into your house as he or she is faced with a biting, spitting guard llama. In addition to guard animal capabilities, you can take the hair after you shear your pet (keeps them cool and comfortable) and make it into a sweater that will keep you warm in the winter!
If you’re interested in owning one of these majestic animals, we are prepared to offer great deals on bulk purchases and even offer discounts to llama collectors. Please, email us at llamas@llamainc.co.uk or call us at 01135 663291 and order yours right away!
LLAMAS, INC.
To: EVERYONE
From: Tom
Subject: Llama invasion
Would anyone care to explain to me why there are fifty llamas currently occupying the car park? They have caused heavy damage to several cars and…well, the less said about the feces strewn everywhere, the better. I noticed Joe sending out the forward about the llamas, so when I find out who perpetrated this llama invasion, they shall be suspended without pay. If nobody decides to come forward, I shall have to think up an appropriate punishment for everyone. Thank you.
Tom Jones
To: Joe, Andy, Chris
From: Gareth
Subject: Llama invasion
I spent my entire paycheck, but seeing all those llamas in the car park and Tom’s email made it completely worth it.
To: Gareth, Joe, Andy
From: Chris
Subject: Llama invasion
Seriously, that had to be the best prank since the homeless man in the break room. Good show.
To: Gareth
From: Joe
Subject: Llama invasion
My car was covered in llama shit. If I have to hold you at gunpoint, you’re cleaning it up.
To: Joe
From: Gareth
Subject: Llama invasion
Cool down, mate. It was only a joke. Bring your car over to my place tonight and I’ll wash it off.
From: Joe
Subject: FWD: Llamas
In today’s world of purse dogs and whingy cats, wouldn’t it be nice to own a pet that’s both uncommon and useful?
Well, look no more.
Llamas, INC. is here to help. The llama is often thought of as only an animal to be ranched, but the truth is that llamas make great, loyal pets who can bring you years of fun and joy. Did you know llamas not only serve as great watch animals, but great guard animals as well? Imagine the look on the face of the next burglar to break into your house as he or she is faced with a biting, spitting guard llama. In addition to guard animal capabilities, you can take the hair after you shear your pet (keeps them cool and comfortable) and make it into a sweater that will keep you warm in the winter!
If you’re interested in owning one of these majestic animals, we are prepared to offer great deals on bulk purchases and even offer discounts to llama collectors. Please, email us at llamas@llamainc.co.uk or call us at 01135 663291 and order yours right away!
LLAMAS, INC.
To: EVERYONE
From: Tom
Subject: Llama invasion
Would anyone care to explain to me why there are fifty llamas currently occupying the car park? They have caused heavy damage to several cars and…well, the less said about the feces strewn everywhere, the better. I noticed Joe sending out the forward about the llamas, so when I find out who perpetrated this llama invasion, they shall be suspended without pay. If nobody decides to come forward, I shall have to think up an appropriate punishment for everyone. Thank you.
Tom Jones
To: Joe, Andy, Chris
From: Gareth
Subject: Llama invasion
I spent my entire paycheck, but seeing all those llamas in the car park and Tom’s email made it completely worth it.
To: Gareth, Joe, Andy
From: Chris
Subject: Llama invasion
Seriously, that had to be the best prank since the homeless man in the break room. Good show.
To: Gareth
From: Joe
Subject: Llama invasion
My car was covered in llama shit. If I have to hold you at gunpoint, you’re cleaning it up.
To: Joe
From: Gareth
Subject: Llama invasion
Cool down, mate. It was only a joke. Bring your car over to my place tonight and I’ll wash it off.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Maybe you SHOULDN'T bring your child to work day...
From: Tom
To: EVERYONE
Subject: Bring your children to work day
Hi All,
After the amount of positive feedback we received from this last year. We thought we would do the same again this year. The date is still to be confirmed, however I think the aim is to plan it to coincide with the next school holiday. This way it won't interfere with school.
As a precaution to avoid last years incident, which I shall not mention. We ask that you don't let your children roam the office freely, for safety as much as security.
Tom Jones
From: Tom
To: George
Subject: Bring your children to work day
Hi George,
After your outrageous behaviour last year, I will be booking a forced holiday for you on the day of the event. I'm sorry but we can't put the young girls and boys at risk again. If only we had known what would happen last year, we might have done the same. If you know what is good for and want to avoid another lawsuit, then I suggest you do not argue.
Tom Jones
From: Gareth
To: Tom, Joe, Chris, Andy, George
Subject: RE: Bring your children to work day
Mary totally freaked out. Who knew you could send a six year old to counseling?
From: George
To: Tom
Subject: RE: Bring your children to work day
Are you kidding me? She was leading me on!
From: Chris
To: Gareth, Andy, Joe
Subject: Paedos
I suppose George’s philosophy is, “Old enough to pee, old enough for me.” I mean, “if there’s grass on the field, play ball” doesn’t even apply here.
From: Joe
To: Andy, Gareth, Chris
Subject: RE: Paedos
Dude, seriously. I was laughing so hard, Paula thought I was choking. I looked like I was insane.
From: Gareth
To: Tom
Subject: RE: Bring your children to work day
You should buy 60 inch plasma TVs for everyone who’s there on BYCtWD so that we can rub it in George’s face. Then we can say, “Ha ha, that’s what you get for being a paedophile.”
Wait a second, does he have a record? If he did, why the hell did you hire him?
From: Tom
To: Gareth
Subject: RE:RE: Bring your children to work day
You know we can’t afford that. Besides, employee records are confidential, and who I hire is my business.
Tom Jones
To: EVERYONE
Subject: Bring your children to work day
Hi All,
After the amount of positive feedback we received from this last year. We thought we would do the same again this year. The date is still to be confirmed, however I think the aim is to plan it to coincide with the next school holiday. This way it won't interfere with school.
As a precaution to avoid last years incident, which I shall not mention. We ask that you don't let your children roam the office freely, for safety as much as security.
Tom Jones
From: Tom
To: George
Subject: Bring your children to work day
Hi George,
After your outrageous behaviour last year, I will be booking a forced holiday for you on the day of the event. I'm sorry but we can't put the young girls and boys at risk again. If only we had known what would happen last year, we might have done the same. If you know what is good for and want to avoid another lawsuit, then I suggest you do not argue.
Tom Jones
From: Gareth
To: Tom, Joe, Chris, Andy, George
Subject: RE: Bring your children to work day
Mary totally freaked out. Who knew you could send a six year old to counseling?
From: George
To: Tom
Subject: RE: Bring your children to work day
Are you kidding me? She was leading me on!
From: Chris
To: Gareth, Andy, Joe
Subject: Paedos
I suppose George’s philosophy is, “Old enough to pee, old enough for me.” I mean, “if there’s grass on the field, play ball” doesn’t even apply here.
From: Joe
To: Andy, Gareth, Chris
Subject: RE: Paedos
Dude, seriously. I was laughing so hard, Paula thought I was choking. I looked like I was insane.
From: Gareth
To: Tom
Subject: RE: Bring your children to work day
You should buy 60 inch plasma TVs for everyone who’s there on BYCtWD so that we can rub it in George’s face. Then we can say, “Ha ha, that’s what you get for being a paedophile.”
Wait a second, does he have a record? If he did, why the hell did you hire him?
From: Tom
To: Gareth
Subject: RE:RE: Bring your children to work day
You know we can’t afford that. Besides, employee records are confidential, and who I hire is my business.
Tom Jones
Suggest THIS.
From: Tom
To: EVERYONE
Subject: The new Suggestion Box
Hi All,
As I'm sure you are all aware, over the past month we have introduced a new suggestion box. The intention of this was to let you all put forward any ideas you have which might benefit the company or your productivity. Or just to point out those little things that can make all the difference. As it is getting near the end of the month, I thought it was about time to open up the box and see what suggestions have been put in there.
I am pleased to say that there have already been a number of great suggestions in this short time. These things include an upgrade to the video conferencing set-up in Meeting Room 1. This was being considered anyway, but we shall now be going ahead with it. Also in consideration is Dress Up Friday, either every week or the last Friday of every month . A few of the lesser important suggestions will be discussed at the next managers meeting.
I would also like to add that this is an important opportunity and one that should be taken seriously. I say this because there were a number of you that thought it would be funny to put in a few “joke” suggestions. A few of which happen to be in-front of me at this moment are “Pirate Wednesday”, “Bra-less Monday”, “Upgrading the computer system to the same one God used to create the Universe” and one which simply reads “MOAR INTERWEBZ”.
Since these were anonymous I cannot blame anyone directly, though I shall try my hardest to find the culprits. You are just wasting my time and everyone else’s that helps read through the suggestions. For the majority of you that did put in sensible ideas, we thank you.
Tom Jones
From: Andy
To: Tom
Subject: RE: The new Suggestion Box
You may want to re-read your emails before sending them next time. I think you mean Dress Down day and not Dress Up. Or are we supposed to come to work in Panto outfits on Friday?
From: Chris
To: Tom
Subject: RE: The new Suggestion Box
If we have to come to work dressed up, I quit. I didn’t sign up for this job to become a suit.
From: Gareth
To: Chris, Andy, Joe
Subject: Suggestions
I’ll bet Tom shot down Bra-less Monday because he doesn’t want to lose support for even one day of the week. LOL
From: Joe
To: Tom
Subject: RE: The new Suggestion Box
I suppose you thought my idea for upgrading the computer system to the one God used to create the universe as a joke. Seriously. This T1 line SUCKS.
From: Tom
To: Joe
Subject: RE:RE: The new Suggestion box
You’re on thin ice, Joe. You could have just said “Upgrade to a CAT line.”
Tom Jones
From: Joe
To: Tom
Subject: RE:RE:RE: The new Suggestion Box
I could have, but I didn’t.
To: EVERYONE
Subject: The new Suggestion Box
Hi All,
As I'm sure you are all aware, over the past month we have introduced a new suggestion box. The intention of this was to let you all put forward any ideas you have which might benefit the company or your productivity. Or just to point out those little things that can make all the difference. As it is getting near the end of the month, I thought it was about time to open up the box and see what suggestions have been put in there.
I am pleased to say that there have already been a number of great suggestions in this short time. These things include an upgrade to the video conferencing set-up in Meeting Room 1. This was being considered anyway, but we shall now be going ahead with it. Also in consideration is Dress Up Friday, either every week or the last Friday of every month . A few of the lesser important suggestions will be discussed at the next managers meeting.
I would also like to add that this is an important opportunity and one that should be taken seriously. I say this because there were a number of you that thought it would be funny to put in a few “joke” suggestions. A few of which happen to be in-front of me at this moment are “Pirate Wednesday”, “Bra-less Monday”, “Upgrading the computer system to the same one God used to create the Universe” and one which simply reads “MOAR INTERWEBZ”.
Since these were anonymous I cannot blame anyone directly, though I shall try my hardest to find the culprits. You are just wasting my time and everyone else’s that helps read through the suggestions. For the majority of you that did put in sensible ideas, we thank you.
Tom Jones
From: Andy
To: Tom
Subject: RE: The new Suggestion Box
You may want to re-read your emails before sending them next time. I think you mean Dress Down day and not Dress Up. Or are we supposed to come to work in Panto outfits on Friday?
From: Chris
To: Tom
Subject: RE: The new Suggestion Box
If we have to come to work dressed up, I quit. I didn’t sign up for this job to become a suit.
From: Gareth
To: Chris, Andy, Joe
Subject: Suggestions
I’ll bet Tom shot down Bra-less Monday because he doesn’t want to lose support for even one day of the week. LOL
From: Joe
To: Tom
Subject: RE: The new Suggestion Box
I suppose you thought my idea for upgrading the computer system to the one God used to create the universe as a joke. Seriously. This T1 line SUCKS.
From: Tom
To: Joe
Subject: RE:RE: The new Suggestion box
You’re on thin ice, Joe. You could have just said “Upgrade to a CAT line.”
Tom Jones
From: Joe
To: Tom
Subject: RE:RE:RE: The new Suggestion Box
I could have, but I didn’t.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Would you like to super size your AIDS?
From: Andy
To: Chris, Joe, Gareth
Subject: FWD: Funny junkmail
A mate of mine sent me this. Thought you guys might find it amusing!
From: Ben
To: Andy
Subject: Funny junkmail
Are you just getting too much attention from the other sex? Need something that will make them think twice before leaping on you and tearing your clothes off?
If the answer is yes, then you need EasyAIDS!
EasyAIDS works in harmony with your body, to give you that great AIDS feeling without having to contract it from someone else. Lets face it, who would really want to go near you if you've big A?
Not convinced? Well for a limited time we are offering a 60-day money back guarantee! Plus the first 100 orders will also receive a free Living with AIDS book worth £10.99!
From: Chris
To: Andy, Joe, Gareth
Subject: RE: Funny junkmail
I find this advert to be quite homophobic. What if you're receiving attention from the same sex?
To: Chris, Joe, Gareth
Subject: FWD: Funny junkmail
A mate of mine sent me this. Thought you guys might find it amusing!
From: Ben
To: Andy
Subject: Funny junkmail
Are you just getting too much attention from the other sex? Need something that will make them think twice before leaping on you and tearing your clothes off?
If the answer is yes, then you need EasyAIDS!
EasyAIDS works in harmony with your body, to give you that great AIDS feeling without having to contract it from someone else. Lets face it, who would really want to go near you if you've big A?
Not convinced? Well for a limited time we are offering a 60-day money back guarantee! Plus the first 100 orders will also receive a free Living with AIDS book worth £10.99!
From: Chris
To: Andy, Joe, Gareth
Subject: RE: Funny junkmail
I find this advert to be quite homophobic. What if you're receiving attention from the same sex?
Would you like some creamer in your coffee?
From: Tom
To: EVERYONE
Subject: Break room cleanliness
Attention all AIDS Staff -
Yesterday, the custodians informed me that there was an unidentified white substance on the break room table. From what they're telling me, it smelled like bleach and had the consistency of slime, which leads me to believe that someone has been masturbating in the break room. I hate to be one of those managers that complains about everything, but masturbation at work is completely unacceptable. I mean, at least go in the washroom or something. In any case, break room privileges have been revoked for the week, unless someone would like to confess to doing this.
Tom Jones
From: Joe
To: Tom
Subject: RE: Break room cleanliness
Why do you sign your emails? It already says who it's from.
From: Gareth
To: Chris, Andy, Joe
Subject: Tom's bitch fit
I paid a homeless guy to wank in the break room. Best £5 I ever spent just because of Tom's email. "Masturbation at work is completely unacceptable" my ass.
To: EVERYONE
Subject: Break room cleanliness
Attention all AIDS Staff -
Yesterday, the custodians informed me that there was an unidentified white substance on the break room table. From what they're telling me, it smelled like bleach and had the consistency of slime, which leads me to believe that someone has been masturbating in the break room. I hate to be one of those managers that complains about everything, but masturbation at work is completely unacceptable. I mean, at least go in the washroom or something. In any case, break room privileges have been revoked for the week, unless someone would like to confess to doing this.
Tom Jones
From: Joe
To: Tom
Subject: RE: Break room cleanliness
Why do you sign your emails? It already says who it's from.
From: Gareth
To: Chris, Andy, Joe
Subject: Tom's bitch fit
I paid a homeless guy to wank in the break room. Best £5 I ever spent just because of Tom's email. "Masturbation at work is completely unacceptable" my ass.
We are SO full of IT.
Welcome to Allied International Data Services, an Information Technology firm located in scenic Birmingham, UK. Our goal is to provide our clients with data services and troubleshoot technical issues.
Well, enough of that bullshit. Here, you'll find emails sent through the AIDS system; some funny, some hilarious. We hope you enjoy the absurdity that is AIDS and Full of IT.
Well, enough of that bullshit. Here, you'll find emails sent through the AIDS system; some funny, some hilarious. We hope you enjoy the absurdity that is AIDS and Full of IT.
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